


I know you've got a little life in you left

by rolloinky



Series: your kiss was oxygen (I leaned over to take it in) [3]
Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon-Typical Violence, Cisswap, Established Relationship, F/F, Near Death Experiences, Post-Canon, Rage form, Sick Character, Sickfic, cis swap, cis-swap
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-20
Updated: 2019-11-19
Packaged: 2020-10-24 22:27:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,548
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20713529
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rolloinky/pseuds/rolloinky
Summary: Riku thought she'd seen just about everything the darkness was capable of. She waswrong.





	1. Chapter 1

Riku’s lungs are aching, suffocating on the cold air, and her feet continue to slip on the loosely packed snow as she battles an Invisible in the mountains of Arendelle. Exhaustion has settled into her bones after hours of trekking through biting wind and snow, conditions she’s experienced before in the Land of Dragons but so much _worse_. They’ve dispatched heartless after heartless, their enemies becoming deadlier as the air thins around them.

The Invisible lunges towards her and she tightens her numb fingers along the hilt of her blade, swings it up to block and feels her left knee almost buckle from the impact. Every strike and block and swing and parry of Braveheart is done with trembling arms. She’s been on the defense since this fight first started, knows she’ll have to make a big move soon or she’ll completely exhaust herself- 

A loud grunt sounds behind her and soon after the blessed heat of a firaga shoots past her to slam into the Invisible. The creature shudders, convulsing as the flames lick up the length of its body, darkness oozing off and swirling into the rapidly melting snow below. She looks over her shoulder at Axel who’s got his hands on his knees but shoots her a weary thumbs up. Taking a deep breath, she summons every last reserve of energy she has left to finish this and get them _moving_, get them _home_. 

Palm flat against the side of Braveheart, she channels a dark firaga along the blade, the shaft pulsating with violet light, before driving it forward through the still burning creature. 

The Invisible explodes into a shower of sparkling streams of light, reflecting off the snow so brightly Riku has to throw an arm over her eyes, blinking away the after image behind the cover of her sleeve. A silence settles over the clearing, branches brushing against each other, distant bird calls drifting on the wind. Her arms finally give out completely, Braveheart arcing to the ground with a thump. It’s waved away in a burst of light and Riku clenches her fist tightly, tries to quell the trembling of her spent muscles as she waits with bated breath. It won’t be long, never is, before another wave of enemies descends. The snow crunching behind her catches her attention and she turns to her companion. 

“You just had to one up me, huh? Fire is kinda _my thing,_ boss,” Axel pants out, sidling up to her with a weary smirk and a hand pressed over his ribs. They’re both exhausted, sweat soaking their knit caps, and Riku knows they need to find shelter soon before they pass out and fall prey to the elements. The heavy fur lined jacket and thermal garments the good fairies provided are sticking to her skin uncomfortably, her body chilled through layers of clothing from the relentless wind and the adrenaline drop. In that moment she wants nothing more than a hot shower, soft pajamas, and _Sora_ wrapped tightly around her in their bed, thick comforter up to their ears. 

“_Someone_ had to finish the job,” she says, knows Axel is feeling close to fainting too so she tries to keep him engaged, keep him _awake_. The lack of response is worrying and with no sign of imminent danger, she looks around for suitable shelter shielded from the winds that would allow them to catch their breath and treat any wounds. The snowfall limits her vision, snowflakes blowing into her face until she’s left squinting, but she finally spots a cutout in the mountain, stalactites overhanging a small opening in the rockface. It’s across the clearing, evergreens nearly blocking it from view entirely, and she prays to anyone who will listen that they have enough left in them to make the distance. 

“Come on, let’s recoup before continuing to Elsa’s.”

Axel gives her a jaunty salute and follows as she trudges through the rising snow, the powder nearly reaching her thighs at this point. Their footfalls become heavier, more labored as they make their way over. Earlier in their journey, Axel had taken point and cleared their path with fire, the snow had melted enough to make the climb less strenuous. Now, Riku thinks even the _idea_ of using that handy little trick would drop Axel into unconsciousness. They’re low on energy, mana completely drained, and she knows she’s only got half an ether left in her pack. Their gummi phones died within the first few hours, the darkness fueled cold rendering them inert after the first few rounds of fighting. 

She’s been in tougher spots, the Realm of Darkness definitely puts a lot of things into perspective, but their situation is far from ideal. As a Master, it’s _her_ responsibility for the success of their mission and the safety of her charge. While it’s gone unspoken, Axel _has_ become her apprentice in everything but name. She’s spent the most time training him, showed how to utilize his affinity for elemental magic, how to channel darkness with light to devastating effects, how to make reparations for the bad you’ve put out into the world. He’s made incredible gains in the last few months and Riku knows he can make even more. She hopes that the chance she’s taking on this cave pays off, for Axel’s sake most of all. 

The towering evergreens help block the worst of the wind, the branches groaning under the weight of ice and snow. Riku glances over her shoulder every few minutes to check on her charge. Axel’s head is tucked into his chest, shoulders up by his ears, but he’s keeping pace, stepping into the footprints Riku leaves behind, barely stumbling despite his obvious exhaustion. 

They hurry forward the last few feet into the mouth of the cave, shuffling steps echoing off the stone as they move deeper, the violent wind muted by the layers of rock surrounding them. Riku slumps against the wall, chest heaving out metronomic puffs of white as she blinks snowflake dusted lashed up at the stalactites hanging above them. She slides down the uneven wall to the ground, legs finally giving out. Yanking the zipper of her coat as high as possible, she flips the collar up and buries her face until only her eyes are visible. Axel shakes off as much of the snow from his head and shoulders as he can before following suit and plopping down on the ground next to her. 

“_Shit,_” Axel hisses, pulls his gangly legs up close to his chest and burrows his head against his knees, “Not to be a baby, but who’s bright idea was it to send the fire guy _here_?” 

Riku huffs out a hoarse laugh that ends in a coughing fit, her throat stripped dry, “_Mine_.” Axel snorts, shoulders shaking and Riku’s not sure if he’s laughing, shivering, or crying at this point. She wouldn’t blame him for any of those reactions, she feels like doing all of the above. 

Riku digs around in her pack blindly, knocking noisily against its contents until she finds what she’s looking for. She tightens her numb gloved fingers as much as she can around the half empty ether and holds it out shakily to Axel. His eyes widen behind the shelter of his knees, a croaky protest on his lips but Riku just shakes the ether in his face until he takes it with both hands. 

“Boss...Riku, are you sure?” 

She dips her head as much as she can, her neck a pillar of ice rather than flesh and bone at this point, watches through barely parted lids as Axel uncorks the bottle and drinks slowly. Axel licks his lips when he’s finished, chases every last bit of energy the ether provides and drops the bottle into the snow beside him. 

“Was that enough for a small campfire?” Riku tries to keep the desperation in her voice tempered as best she can, the small spark in Axel’s eyes giving her more hope than a few swallows of ether warranted. 

“Yeah, I uh, I think I can manage that but we should move a little deeper inside. This wind’ll blow it out before it ever really gets started if we stay here.”

She nods, pushes herself onto stiff, aching legs, tries to hide the pained grimace from her apprentice, nearly succeeds until she sees Axel’s eyes flick past her, wide and _scared_ as he reaches for her with a strangled shout-

There’s a blast of searing cold against her back and she blinks once, twice, before time seems to slow as ice crystals appear in her periphery. They multiply in gleaming branches across her chest, shimmering like starlight along the top of the cave as it coats the entirety of her body and sinks all the way to her heart. Riku _feels_ as much as hears the screeching howl that rips across her consciousness, dissonant chords slamming and crashing together across the universe before darkness consumes her completely.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Riku surfaces but it feels more like drowning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hopefully my formatting isn't too confusing but the italicized paragraphs are memories.

A voice...

At least, Riku _thinks_ it’s a voice. 

Every noise is dampened, like whole boughs of cotton are stuffed in her ears and she’s dozens of feet below the surface of the ocean. She remembers getting pulled under by waves as a child, the momentary peace of rushing silence as the water crashes over you before the panic sets in. 

Despite the layers of warmth on top of her, the softness below, Riku finds her current predicament doesn’t feel all that different from being swept away. 

Eyes closed, she takes stock of what she _can_ sense. Wiggles her fingers - slightly sore and stiff, flexes her legs - heavy and aching from traipsing up mountains, and her core feels... strangely numb. She knows her heart is beating, can feel her pulse in her fingertips but it’s distant, _off_.

The last thing she remembers is an all encompassing chill, stinging and so achingly cold it burned. She remembers Axel was with her. They were exhausted - stranded - and huddled together in a… cave? _Yes, that’s right_. Riku can picture the stalactites above them, traced the way the shadows played along the grooves and curves of the stone. She remembers how her throat ached with every intake of freezing air, feels the pain even now as she swallows. Everything after that is unclear but one thing she will _never_ forget is that awful, heart rendering sound of a thousand orchestras playing at once.

Her eyelid is pulled up and open and she smacks whatever is near her face instinctively. A startled yelp manages to break through the fog and she peeks her heavy eyes open the barest amount. 

She’s in a cabin by the looks of it. Large wooden beams above her and constructing the walls around her with animal pelts tacked up throughout. The room is warmly lit and cozy and the large bed she’s in confirms her earlier suspicions - there are layers upon layers of quilts and pelts piled on top of her for some unfathomable reason. There’s an array of candles and lanterns around the open room, a roaring fireplace on the far wall, and _Axel_ is sitting at her bedside with his hand cradled against his chest with a pout.

“Damn, boss. Even h-half dead you pack a mean punch,” he chuckles, rubbing his hand with a quivering smile and Riku hones in at the hysterical edge to his voice. It’s slightly difficult trying to sit up under such heavy blankets but she manages, _needs to_ in order to take in his appearance in the low light. His normally verdant eyes are dim, the space beneath his lashes deep and shadowed, and his cheeks look hollowed out. Axel has always been on the gawky side, but now he looks like all the life has been leached from him - fragile and husklike.

“Ax-” she stops, vocal chords straining, tries to clear her throat but ends up doubling over in great big hacking coughs instead. There’s a hand on her back, awkwardly patting and rubbing as her shoulders heave. She huffs out a rattling breath, clears her throat and blinks her watering eyes open to a steaming mug held beneath her nose. The heated vapor wafts across her face and she smiles gratefully up at Axel, winces as her dry lips split under the strain. She blows into the cup, trying to cool it enough that it won’t burn her already tender throat. 

The first sip nearly sends her eyes watering again, toes curling instinctively, the taste and smell of the drink bring the thought of _Sora_ to the forefront and it’s like she’s being swept away once more.

_It never got _cold_ on the islands but as children Sora’s mom, Kaze, made them hot chocolate before bed whenever Riku would stay over. She didn’t have much of a preference but Sora almost loved marshmallows more than the drink itself and plucked them out of her mug to dissolve in her mouth instead. They curled up on either side of Kaze and sipped their drinks as she read sweeping epics of pirates and knights and mermaids until their mugs were empty._

_Riku’s favorite nights were the ones where Sora would stay by _her side_ instead of moving to Kaze’s. She’d drift off - hot chocolate still on her tongue and her belly warm - with Sora drooling against her side, and Kaze’s arm around them both. _

_Those nights of stories and sweets and warmth became few and far between with Kairi’s arrival, with the growing isolation and jealousy in Riku’s heart. Even yet, those nights remain some of the _best_ of Riku’s life and were desperately held close during those long years of loneliness._

“Riku, you okay?” Axel is half on the bed, hand waving in front of her face and mouth a tense line. She can almost feel the warmth against her side, around her shoulders, but she boxes up the memory and sticks it to the side. She needs answers and the sooner she gets them the sooner she can go home to Sora.

“Where are we? What happened? Are _you_ okay?”

Axel falls back into his chair with a great whoosh of breath, bites the inside of his cheek and drums his spindly fingers on his knees. His eyes flick to the ceiling and his head tilts from side to side. Riku waits, recognizes his tick for when he’s nervous. She’s only seen it a handful of times but it’s enough to make _her_ anxious. 

Seemingly coming to some decision he lifts a hand in the air with his pointer finger extended and begins counting off, “One: We are in that guy Kristoff’s lovely little log cabin. He’s out getting more firewood with Anna,” his hand is shaking violently as he raises another finger, “Two: You were hit with grand ice magic and _your heart stopped._”

Riku blinks dumbly, the information circling but never landing. That was impossible. She’s right here, fine, and can feel the steady beat of her heart with her back pressed against the headboard. She’s been possessed, had replicas, nearly lost her heart to the darkness, lost _Sora_. This is one more thing in a long line of terrible things she’s faced and while decidedly unhealthy, it’s something to deal with later when she’s _ready_. 

“That was only two answers. Are you okay?”

His mouth drops open, hand almost blurring with how much it’s shaking and then it’s shaping into a fist, thin skin taut over his bony knuckles as he drives it into the mattress. The force of it jostles the bed enough that Riku has to steady her mug with a hand over the top to prevent hot chocolate from spilling everywhere. Riku watches, wary, as Axel lurches to his feet and paces the length of the cabin. His eyes are focused on the floor and his socked feet still manage to slap with each step as he makes lap after lap. Riku takes a sip, swallows with a click and tries again, “Ax-”

“No! I’m not fucking _okay_!” He whips around eyes bright and manic and there are _tears_ shining in the corners of his eyes, “didn’t you hear how my friend’s heart fucking stopped?! Her heart literally _gave out_, she was _dead_, and now she’s drinking cocoa and asking if _I’m_ okay.”

Riku exhales slowly, nose whistling, and calmly sets her drink on the side table with a light clink. She curls her fingers around the heavy blankets and pulls them off of her, scoots to the edge of the mattress despite Axel’s protests and stands. Her spine pops a handful of times when she pushes her shoulders back, muscles and ligaments sore and lethargic as she takes inventory. Everything seems normal, even when she places a hand over her heart. The rhythm is strong and steady as always and she’s about to write it off when the sound of a chord being struck echoes within her rib cage. And then there is _pain_, the shadow of it but it’s not _hers_ and she doesn't understand. The feeling, the knowledge of _wrong wrong wrong_ is settling on her shoulders like a leaden weight.

Riku walks towards Axel and grabs his hand, yanks him over to the fire. She sits down on the knotted rug, the fire illuminating half of her face as she looks up at him imploringly. Axel lowers himself to the ground too, brows furrowed as he looks at Riku like she might be losing her mind. He mirrors her, awkwardly long legs and arms knocking into Riku’s and he mutters an embarrassed shit, sorry each time. Riku cups her knees, hands tense, and looks at Axel pointedly before closing them. 

Meditation was one of the first things Riku taught Axel. In her own training, she’d found it useful as a centering technique, and right now - with the ache in her chest deepening - she needs an anchor more than ever. She breathes in, holds for a count of ten, and exhales slowly. The darkness behind her eyelids deepens with every cycle of air and soon after the sound of the crackling fire and Axel’s restless shifting fades away completely beneath the rumbling of her heart.

Riku’s felt this before, before their exam, before she was Sora’s dreameater, before the depth of their connection was brought to light. She breathes in, holds for a count of ten, exhales, and _remembers_.

_The first time Riku had hot chocolate since she was twelve was on a night seemingly unremarkable from any other. _

_Leading up to their Mark of Mastery exam, they spent several weeks training and passing trials meant to test and hone their skills. After every session, Master Yen Sid lectured them on their performance and Riku tried her best to pay attention, to offer the respect and gratitude not to Yen Sid but to Mickey whom had been gracious enough to accompany her to _each_ and _every_ test. Yen Sid’s lectures were never particularly rousing, or beneficial truthfully, but that night Riku couldn’t focus on a single word._

_From the moment they stepped into Yen Sid’s office a high pitched, trembling whine drowned out the Master’s speech. Donald, Goofy, and Mickey were lined up along the adjacent wall listening intently - well, Goofy was _trying to_ at least - but nothing seemed out of the ordinary save for that _sound_. Riku surreptitiously glanced at the others to gauge their reactions, tried to determine where it might be coming from without success._

_Sora was by her side and as Riku turned the entirety of her attention to her friend the noise became _louder_, thrumming deeper until it seemed to replace the steady thump of her pulse and filled her very veins. Every beat of her heart felt like a chord being plucked and she willed Yen Sid to excuse them already because something was _wrong_._

_Riku’s fists clenched tighter and tighter as the seconds ticked on and yet the ache of skin and bone didn’t even come close to the pain seeping into her heart. _

_When they were finally dismissed, Riku exited the office after the others but stayed close to Sora. The King and his companions gave them congratulatory words and pats before they headed for the stairs deep in conversation, none the wiser to the strange noise. Riku watched them go, caught Goofy as he peeked over his shoulder at Sora with a little frown and felt a matching one grow on her own face. The cacophony of voices and movement followed after them and Riku could finally hear clearly, for the first time that night, the high whine of a violin. _

_Next to her, Sora was saying something but the drone of that violin buried any other sound. It was loud, _powerful_, and Riku pressed a hand to her ribs, convinced she’d be able to feel the bones vibrating from each note. Senses overwhelmed, Riku relied on her eyes to fill in the gaps of what her heart was so desperately trying to tell her. _

_Riku’s known Sora her entire life, knows her better than _anyone_, knows her _best_. _

_Despite Sora’s best efforts, Riku could see the way her hands were trembling, could see the way her smile was stretched taut beneath tired eyes.The whining got louder in Riku’s ears and she could feel her heart begin to echo that dissonant chord and she needed to help Sora, to make it _stop_-_

_“Do you want some cocoa?” _

_Riku felt a kernel of guilt in her belly at interrupting, at missing Sora’s words completely, but she tucked it away because she knew it was a smokescreen for whatever turmoil Sora had been hiding all night. Riku may have experience at hiding but Sora could be a master of misdirection. _

_Sora’s washed in shades of cool from the strange half-light of the tower, her mouth slack at the interruption, eyes dark. The violin was a little softer, settled like the lines of tension hidden beneath Sora’s bangs and the complimentary chord in Riku’s chest smoothed out. _

_“Ye-Yeah that, that sounds good. _Really_ good,” Sora grinned and that time it was real, the dimple in her cheek appeared for the first time that night. Riku kicked herself for not noticing sooner, wanted to kick herself again for just _staring_. _

_Sora’s head cocked to the side, that familiar twinkle in her eyes flared to life and Riku quickly cleared her throat, the back of her neck warm, and gestured to the staircase with a little smile, “After you.” _

_Sat across from Sora in the ever shifting Tower kitchen, hot chocolate cradled between her palms, Riku smiled into her mug as the melody in her heart perfectly synchronized with the harmony of Sora’s airy giggles._

She surfaces from the memory and her heart is practically vibrating. 

The piercing howl of a violin streaks across the darkness of her eyelids in bursts of scarlet light, a disjointed array of tinkling piano keys plucked and smashed violently, a harmony warped and twisted and _broken_\- 

Riku’s pulse is a snare drum against her rib cage and she clenches her eyes tighter, fingers digging into her knees harshly as she coaxes her melody to life and channels it out along their connection. The low notes cross the darkness like shooting stars but something’s not _right_. Riku’s piece of their heart song isn’t reaching, isn’t connecting and joining with Sora’s no matter how many times she tries. They’re still connected but their hearts aren’t in tune and Sora is _hurting_-

“-ku? _Riku!_”

Riku’s eyes fly open, the sudden influx of light from the fireplace spotting her vision. Axel’s hands are on her shoulders and he looks more worried than ever. 

Blinking several times she sees Kristoff and Anna on the sofa adjacent to them with pinched expressions. She has no idea when they entered the cabin but from her spot on the floor she can see the sky is notably darker than when she started meditating. On the next blink she realizes her lashes are wet, belatedly feels the dampness of her cheeks and the trails down her neck. 

“Boss… you _really_ gotta stop doing that it’s not good for my health let alone yo-” 

“We need to leave. _Now_,” Riku’s already pushing herself up before the words slip from her mouth. Her legs tremble beneath the sudden weight, half asleep from staying crossed for so long but she holds strong and makes her way to the neatly laid out row of their supplies on the trunk at the foot of the bed. Axel’s spluttering behind her, Kristoff and Anna murmuring quietly to one another but Riku doesn’t have _time_ to answer questions. They need to be back at the Tower _now_. 

She’s shrugging on her parka when Axel stumbles up next to her, hurriedly following suit with shaking hands. There’s a heavy weight on her shoulder and she turns slowly, frustration and fear knotting tightly in her gut as she glares at the large hand, down the length of an arm, to Kristoff’s nervous face. 

“I’m sorry but you can’t leave just yet…” His voice shrinks to a whisper as Riku’s glare grows darker, mouth a thin line and her fists clench tightly at her sides. She turns to face him fully, dislodging his arm and channels her height advantage into staring the man down but Anna quickly intervenes.

“What he means to say is that, well, you both are still recovering! Elsa’s clearing out the last of the heartless and she’ll have a way to get you where you need to go - I just know it!” Anna just barely peeks into Riku’s periphery on her tiptoes and the gesture is so reminiscent of _Sora_ that she _aches_. The whining of that sorrowful violin is constant in the back of her mind and her hands itch with the need to mend what’s been severed. Looking over her shoulder at Axel she sees his hands jerkily buttoning up his own coat, face determined but lined with exhaustion and she closes her eyes and muffles the discord in her heart, “Fine. But we’re leaving _as soon as possible._”

Turning back around she catches Anna and Kristoff’s fervent nods and feels a rush of guilt for being so short after all they’ve done and continue to do for them. They need to prepare for Elsa’s return and for an immediate extraction from Arendelle but first thing’s first, “Anna, Kristoff...thank you for saving us, for helping us. I can’t imagine where we’d be without you.”

Anna smiles brightly up at Riku as she wraps her arms around Kristoff’s, “Of course! We all have to look out for each other. Besides, any friend of Sora’s is a friend of ours.”

Sora’s name manages to cut through the cacophony of noise briefly before it washes over her once more. She ducks her head with a sharp nod, whispers another thanks before turning to Axel, her heart thumping heavily. She walks past him to one of the windows farthest from the others, sighs gratefully when Axel follows without question. His arms are crossed, shoulders high like always when he’s waiting to hear their next move and Riku steadies her breathing against the quickly building panic in her chest.

“Axel… it’s Sora. Something’s very, _very_ wrong.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! I forgot to mention that the title from this story comes from Kate Bush's "This Woman's Work" which is a lovely, lovely song and I highly recommend listening to it.


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